Why don’t women need a watch? There’s a clock on the stove.

What the hell is Minecraft? Hitler’s lesser known, second, book about his love of knitting.

Monday Morning……Rolling out of bed is easy. Getting up off the floor is another story.

What’s the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? [NSFW] I wouldn’t pay five hundred dollars to have a lentil on my face.

I’m Winston Wolf, I fix problems. So I hear you’re having a bad hair day.

How many egoists does it take to change a lightbulb? One. They simply hold the bulb and wait for the world to revolve around them.

My necrophiliac girlfriend told me I was dead to her. That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

How do mathematicians count x-men? Permutations.

What do you call a nun sleep walking? A roamin’ Catholic

Tom Cruise Jokes, Anyone?