We’re all born with scars. from the moment we open our eyes and look at the world we are wounded, we all share that same mark… Bellybuttons.

Getting married at 22 sounds a lot like leaving a party at 9:30pm.

It must be Monday somewhere.

Why does 71 like 68? Because 68 69 70.

A Jewish girl.. ..asks her father, “Dad? Can I have 50 dollars?” he says, “40 dollars? What do you need 30 dollars for?”

We could hit every terrorist on the Most Wanted List tomorrow, if we turned it over to Google’s ad department.

What did the sardine call the submarine ? A can of people !

Q: Why couldn’t the blonde write the number ELEVEN? A: Because she didn’t know which one came first!

Why do felines always win board games? Because they are cheetahs.

Tourist in America I was going to take my wife to visit all the sites where they protested the police shooting of innocent black men. But i’ve only got 6 months…plus community service.