Did you hear that the North American Man/Boy Love Association go a new tech support guy? He’s an e-NAMBLA.

Now that the Olympics are over, Michael Phelps can finally be released back to his natural habitat; the couch with a bong.

I do not need to have a threesome… … if I want to disappoint two people at once, I go to dinner with my parents.

My uncle performed circumcisions… He kept all the foreskin and had a tailor make it into a wallet. Rub it for 5 minutes and you get a briefcase.

Bet I could breathe more air than you, bro

Miss Universe pageant will be awesome when the sluts from other planets finally decide to show up.

Urban Outfitters: the most expensive way to look poor.

The thing about boats… If we don’t bow, everyone gets stern.

damn girl, you got a butt that WON’T QUIT *butt pulls out a knife* wait, no- *butt stabs me* no, stop- *butt doesn’t stop* …et tu, bootay

TIL the musical group Ace of Base was killed in a horrific traffic accident after they missed their exit on the highway and crashed… Police later said, “they didn’t see the sign…”