What did one sick casket say to the other sick casket? Is that you, coffin?

I’m pretty sick right now. You could say I’m feeling like Charles Lindbergh… Because I got the flu

How did Darth Vader know what Obi-Wan Kenobi was getting for Christmas? He felt his presents.

I blame 2 of my 3 DUIs on Jesus because I specifically told him to take the wheel

Happy Greek Easter! Which Greek God loved to collect animals? Zoos

Why was the detective excited when he found a thimble sized crown? He was looking for Finger Prince. (Say it out loud if you don’t get it.)

What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? Hoblin Goblin.

Q: How do spies send secret messages in a forest? A: By moss code.

Just finished painting my bedroom in under ten minutes using vinyl Surely that’s some kind of record.

Why does Germany have so many different kinds of bread? Well, we had to do something with the ovens.