No thanks resolutions, if I wanted to be reminded of everything I didn’t follow through on at the end of the year, I’d get married again.

What happens when a Chinese man with a boner runs into a wall? He breaks his nose.

Tried to cash in on this kid joke thing. My daughter is a disappointment. Why did the skeleton cross the road? He didn’t because he doesn’t have skin and he just fell apart.

A wavy guitarist has a low self esteem He just wanted to B-flat

A girl walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre… so he gives it to her

Whats the difference between a boy scout and a jew? The boy scout returns home from the camp.

Animals that lose their tails visit the retail store.

What did Patrick Stewart say when he proposed to his wife? Engage.

I think the only thing a bike helmet protects you from is getting laid

Instead of God, try worshipping a golf cart for a few years and see if it makes any difference.