What do you call a bowl full of leaves and epileptics? Seizure Salad.

What do you call the most successful vasectomist in American history? American Snipper

What do you call a slutty camera? A loose Canon.

I have a Victoria’s Secret model’s body!! (in my basement)

So I’m still newish around here… What are the rules about Canadians? Does everybody get one? Do I get to choose? Where do I sign up?

My girlfriend caught me cross-dressing So I packed up her clothes and left

How does Darth Vader like his toast? On the dark side.

I walked in on my wife singing the other day. Surprised, I said “Oh, I thought you were the radio.” Flattered, she asked “Did you come to listen?” “No,” I replied, “I came to turn it off.”

How do you tell the difference between a meth head and a hillbilly? The meth head still has teeth.

What does Lamar Odom have in common with a hooker? Excellent ball control.