Milk toast was probably named by same lazy guy that named the fireplace and waterfall.

Insomnia causes questionable browser history.

Damn girl, are you a pig? Because your mother looks like a pig. Because you look damn hot bacon in the Sun. Because I want to stuff you like Thanksgiving dinner. . . . More suggestions appreciated

What do you call a tight asshole? a noose

How do you tell who the extroverted engineers are? They’re the ones who look at YOUR shoes when they talk to you.

Made a hiking playlist earlier called trail mix It has a lot of eminem in it

The last US election had a candidate called Mitt, a devout Catholic and a candidate called Newt, a serial adulterer. One was against same sex marriage and the other was against same marriage sex.

Any salad can be a Caesar salad if you stab it enough.

Of course he’s going to get re-elected, because once you go Black…

Did you know that men are more successful than women in committing suicides? Ladies, can you gals do anything right?