Funny that when a girl sleeps with a lot of guys she’s considered a slut … but when I do it I’m gay.

Another poor soul worked at a company making blankets. He lost his job when the company folded.

My weather forecast is always “room temperature.”

I didn’t know what to wear the the premature ejaculators meeting… So I just came in my pants.

People who say “in and of itself” are responsible for most of the trouble in the world.

I like asking girls if I can buy them a drink and when they say yes I yell “YOU DON’T KNOW MY FINANCIAL SITUATION” and run away.

Apologies your honor [slides ventriloquist dummy back under my seat] I was told these proceedings were going to be televised.

I am sick and tired of women jokes!! period!

I’ve decided to fight my addiction I’m not posting on reddit until next year

How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up behind it