Cops are looking for a man who robbed a store using scissors. They say the guy could be a real danger–unless you have a rock.

What do you call a donkey that falls into a pile of sugar? A Sweet Ass ( )

How are babies different from feminists? Babies grow up and stop crying.

Thought I saw a walking burrito but it was just a pug in a raincoat.

Why do girls wear makeup and perfume? Because they are ugly and they smell.

If she’s naming your wedding album on facebook “wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!” she’s too young for you bro.

New low: Looking in my purse and seeing my TV remote.

One of my favourite things is Pork Souvlaki on a Pita But it’s hard to get the animal rights activists to stay still

I can’t believe you “accidentally” let it slip into her butt! Dick move, asshole.

What do vegetables watch when they’re horny? Corn