Nothing is more frightening than accidentally making eye contact with a guy who runs a mall kiosk.

How do you know when a mongol is level? He’s drooling from both corners of his mouth.

Why did everyone bring a quiche to Sean Connery’s party? It was leave your keys at the door.

What kind of headphones are sold in 50 shades of grey? Beats

Why does Mexico never get gold medals in olympics? Because all their swimmers, runners, and high jumpers are in USA.

“That’ll be $15.99 please” “Do you take giant revolving badgers?” *cashier grabs me by the throat* “We ONLY take giant revolving badgers”

My grandfather’s holocaust stories aren’t half as depressing as the contestant interview segment on Jeopardy.

Listen, I hate you… I’m just not… IN hate with you.

“Why do white people like cheese so much?” Because they’re made from cultures! Edit: Five BLM members disliked this post.

can’t now.. having an heated argument with my toaster.