The director of “A Girl in the River” went to high school with me in Karachi! She won an Oscar! This is not gonna help w my parents. #Oscars

ADHD is ADD in high definition.

Imagine me naked. Wrong. Fatter.

How many McDonald’s counter girls does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it and one to put some chips with it.

If you crossed a cow with Michael Jackson what song would you get? “Beeflt!”

What do you call children born of ginger people? Ginger-bred

What do you call a dead blonde in a closet? The winner of last year’s hide & go seek contest.

Why did Adele cross the road? She wanted to say hello from the other side. ^^^^^^hilarious ^^^^^^and ^^^^^^original ^^^^^^hahahahahahahahahelpme

I got asked how I view lesbian relationships.. Apparently HD wasn’t the correct answer.

Teacher: How much is half of 8 Pupil: Up and down or across ? Teacher: What do you mean ? Pupil: Wellup and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0