What did the old maid get the vasaline for? 84 cents. Joke by my grandfather

How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb. Two. One to hold the light bulb and the other to hold the penis. I mean mother. Shit, I mean ladder.

What do you call a hot day in Canada? A Nova Scorcha!

Pupil: My teacher was mad with me because I didn’t know where the Rockies were. Mother: Well next time remember where you put things!

According to my google history, I spent most of last night trying to buy a llama.

Q) How do you spot a happy motorcyclist in fair weather? A) He’s got bugs on his teeth.

“Your mission… Should you chose to accept it…” *Go to a bar you Hate *Put $50 in the Jukebox *Play nothing but Nickelback *Leave

Two guys walk into a bar.. The third guy ducked.

That Hamburger Helper hand guy. There’s a twin out there, right? Didn’t go into showbiz. Maybe an accountant or something.

Come on, there has got to be at least one business like show business.