How do you know you sister is on her period? Dad’s cock tastes like blood.

”I want to ruin some songs today.” -The producers of Glee every morning.

When I die, I want a disease named after me, with symptoms that include “being fucking awesome at everything.”

I think it is wrong that the Bali 9 get a one minute silence I mean, they already got a 21 gun salute.

Apparently when your boss asks if you’re on drugs “which drugs?” isn’t the appropriate response. I know this now.

What do you call a German with a bad attitude? A sour Kraut.

What do you call an african american in a 3 piece suit? The defendant.

Did you hear about the Pirate suffering from scurvy? His attempts to cure it were *fruitless*.

Hotel California is basically a negative Yelp review with a two minute guitar solo.

If you’re reading this you’re probably addicted to the internet. And by internet, I mean Facebook.