What has 9 arms and sucks? Def Leppard!

new iPhone 7 son: Daddy, buy me the new iPhone 7 Dad: What is the magic word? son: Natasha Dad: who is Natasha son: your lover Dad: do you need also a case?

Why didn’t the principal of the school for the blind allow his students to go duck-hunting? He knew that some of them wouldn’t miss the blind …

What do you call a bald porcupine? Pointless!

Don’t ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like “always punch holes in the box so they can breathe.”

How do you double the price of a Fiat? Fill the tank

Has this one ever been used? Why didn’t the chicken cross the road? Because he was chicken. Alright.

They called their son Honest Abe, because he was honest. They called their daughter Bloody Mary…

What do you call a motorcycle gang made up of ancient bisexual Norse monarchs? The bikings.

“Kids, grandma just had hip surgery so I need to warn you, she’s not herself.” *grandma struts in wearing skinny jeans and smoking an E-cig*