A bird pooped on my head today…Am I gonna die? I mean, I’m kinda worried about getting sick from it but mostly I hope this made someone’s day.

Why does Darkwing Duck wear a mask? You are a duck. No one could identify you without describing every other duck on earth.

How do you disappoint a Redditor? [removed]

Who are the 3 most famous black women? 1. Oprah 2. Aunt Jamima 3. Motha Fucka

What’s the difference between wild Iranian Ossetra caviar and my penis? One is a delicacy (Deh-Lih-Cuh-See) and the other is a delicady (Deh-Lih-Cuh-Dee) Edit: The D

What happened when the girl dressed as a spoon left the Halloween party ? No one moved. They couldn’t stir without her.

I am an expert at making balloon animals. May I interest you in a hyphen or a pickle?

I tried googling Wiz Khalifa … But all I found was MIa Khalifa peeing .

What’s better than two roses on your piano? Tulips on your organ.

I like Tuesday simply because it is literally the furthest from next Monday I can possibly be.