It’s just sad how often I see zookeepers breaking their own ‘Dont Feed the Animals’ rule.

What do you call a midget with no teeth A gum job.

If you believe the home alarm commercials, the first thing burglars do when they break into your home is smash your family pictures.

Go to racist joke, what’s yours? Two unemployed Irishmen walk past a police notice board with “two black men wanted for rape” first one says “fucking niggers get all the best jobs”

Why does Helen Keller wear tight jeans? So people can read her lips.

Why do lawyer’s suits never have pants pockets? Because their hands are always in someone else’s!

My new years resolution is to have more sex! I Haven’t told my cellmate yet though

Year 2142: Meat eaters have died out. Vegans survive. 2143: Everyone is dead b/c the vegans couldn’t tell anyone else that they were vegan.

What is Jeb Bush’s campaign slogan? Third time’s the charm

What is it called when you are on the edge of WiFi signal range? Router Limits!