A mushroom walks into a bar The bartender says: “Get out of here! We don’t serve your kind here.” The mushroom says: “Why not man? I really am a FunGi.”

Fun typo: “You ate the most important thing in my life.”

“Some say I have a drinking problem” *pours glass of water on lap*

What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef stroganoff.

My friend’s a scientist and accidentally chilled his lab rat to absolute zero… At first the rat was just frozen, but he’s 0K now.

Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Friday.

Son: Are you eating pie for breakfast? Me (eating pie): No. Fruit casserole. Want some? Son: NO. I hate casserole. Me (whispers): I know…

They have arrived – Hia Dei Kum

The nintendo 64 turned 18 last month Which means you can now legally blow the cartridges

‘I want to see other kids.’ ~Me, parenting.