Did u hear about the leper poker game? everyone threw their hands in

Two blonds are having a conversation. Two blonds are having a conversation when one says to the other “I had sex with a brazilian last night” The other blond replies “WOW that’s a lot of men”

I cheated a guy in poker so he burnt down my house. I guess you could say it was a conflagration

Me texting friend: Hey! What’s up? Buddy: *sends picture of ceiling* Me: I am so glad I didn’t ask “how’s it hanging”

Me: My weight is up. I really hate winter. Him: Don’t be discouraged. You’ll bounce back in spring once you shave your legs.

Sometimes the smartest thing you can do, is play stupid.

My life That’s the joke.

Learning to love yourself is important. Just don’t let your wife catch you doing it.

How do you make Helen Keller cry? Turn the stool upside-down

I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::