If your tweet gets stolen and posted on Facebook… It’s your own fault for not making it offensive enough!

What’s the name of the best brewer in the world? Bock Goodale

I was licking this girl all over her face right up until she explained to me what doggy style was.

Just stirred my coffee with a fork if any of you guys are looking for a new bad boy to join your crew.

woke up just in time to push my cat off the bed before he threw up. today is going to be magical.

Nothing good has ever gone into a microwave at 3:00am.

I want a girlfriend with OCD, that way whenever I want to go home I can just say “Are you sure you checked the stove before we left?”

I have a pen….. I have a apple 😀

Dear lord, I thank you for these noodles I am about to eat. Ramen.

I can see you’re upset. Maybe you should post more about it on Facebook. That should eliminate any more drama.