Guy comes home with a flower bouquet… “Guess I’ll have to spread my legs now”, says the wife. “Why? Don’t you have a vase?” the husband replies.

Where do you find an enlightened mosquito? In Bhuddapest

*watching Dateline* wow this is the worst dating show ever

What the quickest way to a mans heart? Though his chest with a knife

THE HORROR! *splat THE TRAGEDY! *splat IT’S AWFUL! *splat SO MUCH BLOOD! *splat WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?! *splat -It’s raining men.

Why was pregnant Cinderella late to the ball? Miscarriage

What do you call a Chinese conga line? A Chu Chu train

I don’t like drive-thru’s I think it’s money out the window.

“You know what.” — They.

Yes, life is meaningless, but some of the food is decent.