What did one tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing they were both stuck up cunts.

Pavlov’s doorbell One tuesday afternoon Ivan Pavlov is reading the paper, when his neighbour rings the doorbell. Ivan jumps up out of his chair, suddenly remembering: “Shit, I need to feed the dogs!”

I was going to break up a fight between two Rabbis… But they were just arguing semitics.

I’ve been listening to the official workout station on Pandora for 3 months and I’m still fat, I’m calling bullshit.

I just Googled ‘Nicolas Cage jokes’ and it showed me a list of every film he’s been in. Well played, Google.

[date gets back from the bathroom] those batman toys in the tub are so cute! How old are your kids? “kids?”

Recent studies show that 1 out of 3 Americans weigh as much as the other 2 put together.

A woman’s JJ sized breasts saved her life in a car accident. Those same breasts were the cause of her husbands death in a motorboating accident.

This hating of people who breast feed in public places has to stop! I’ll raise my dog however I like.

What’s an STD’s favorite kind of pizza? Heperoni