My new cooking show, “Will Sasso Cooks With His Exposed Dick Really Close to the Food” premieres tonight (8/7 Central) in my mind. Be there!

The hotel we stayed in for our holiday offered bed and board but it was impossible to say which was the bed and which was the board.

Don’t you just hate it when people answer their own questions? I do.

Q: How many Kings of Spain does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Juan

They just found a Black guy hanging from a tree with 79 stab wounds in Alabama…. The police say it’s the worst case of suicide they’ve ever seen

Why is my Chinese girlfriend so bitchy? Well it’s true, you are what you eat.

My mom recently bought a Jesus shaped flashlight When I asked her why she said: So whenever someone says “I can’t see” I can be like “here, let Jesus light the path”

A Bug’s Mind What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when he crashes into a windshield? His asshole.

Is that mine? I was walking down the street when I saw black guy with a laptop. Is that mine? I thought. It looks exactly like mine… but that can’t be… Mine should be at home cleaning my shoes.

A Spanish magician announced that for his final trick, he would vanish into thin air. He counted down: uno, dos, then POOF! He was gone, without a tres.