How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? It’s not hard

Peter Pan escaped the adult world… …by becoming an alcoholic. He goes by Peter the Panhandler now.

ME: Haha you can tell them any name and they have to say it BARISTA: I have a latte for “A Person Who Deserves Love”? ME [crying]: Hahaha

Why Did the Ebola Patient Cross the Road? Trick question. There are no roads in Africa.

My ex-girlfriend was a slut. She bust more nuts than a pistachio junkie. edit: Going through a potential breakup, so if you see this, this isnt about you, babe. Dont leave me, please.

Why are Native Americans the most successfull strippers? Because when they dance, they make it rain.

I wonder if dog’s had facebook, would they put our picture as their profile picture.

How are doctors so well tempered even under heavy stress? They have a lot of patients

Simba – “welcome to… The bone zone” Nala – “the what?” Simba – “elephant graveyard. I said elephant graveyard”

After the Thanksgiving dinner, everyone says (-1)/8