I’d kill for a microwave that plays Europe’s “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? ……….Nothing you’ve already told her twice!

An Indian redditor gets an arranged marriage. He turns to his partner and says: “Thanks for the gold, kind stranger!”

What do you get when you cross a sheep stealer with royalty? Mutton Looter King

What is the last thing that tickle-me elmo gets before he leaves the factory? Two test tickles

What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off!

What’s a snakes favourite dance ? The mamba !

A piece of shit walks into a bar It’s my dad… My dad is a piece of shit.

I went in to hospital for an operation… I asked the anaesthetist if I could administer the needle myself, and he said: “Sure, knock yourself out”.

What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off.