Jenna Jameson to Oprah, “There’s a little bit of Jenna Jameson in everyone.” I’m pretty sure she got that backwards.

This may be not be a mainstream opinion, but I don’t believe you should cut down a Christmas tree unless you intend on eating it.

I just bought a very tiny amphibian for a pet. It’s my-newt!

What do you call a blind dinosaur? A do-think-he-saurus 🙂 !! Lol What do you call a blind dinosaurs dog? A do-you-think-he-saurus-rex

ME: I fell off a 50 ft tall ladder once GIRL: holy cow how did you survive ME: I fell off the bottom rung

I like my slaves like I like my coffee Fair Trade.

What do people from the 1930’s and /r/news jokes have in common? They’re both old.

7% of all hearing loss is a result of sitting in a restaurant next to a table full of women who just received dessert.

What do grandparents smell like? “Depends”

How to keep the flies off the bride at an Italian wedding Keep a bucket of shit next to her