Why did the Xbox owner cross the road? To fuck your mom.

My cat just walked by me carrying a toy mouse I don’t remember buying her. Women be shoppin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

Things have really turned around for me since I re-named my penis and testicles “JD Power and Associates”.

Donald Trump will ban the sale of shredded cheese He wants to make America grate again

I was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I’ve never driven a bus before!

A Mexican fireman had twin boys He named them Jose and Hose B

“I can’t stand when people say they hate both of the presidential candidates.” –Stephen Hawking

yeah girl.. shake that thing where poop comes out of. it really turns me on when your poop factory shakes faster than usual

Bill Clinton must be the luckiest man in the world. All of the sex he has, with Hillary, you know it’s hate sex.