I have a friend who is in the Guinness Book of World Records for “Most Concussions” He lives about a stones throw away.

Are you all allright? No, you are all left

Making a list of all the people who wrote “Happy Birthday” on my wall without an exclamation point so that I know who’s secretly mad at me.

People who say “you can run but you can’t hide” have never played hide & seek with me.. or seen me run.

I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people, But none of them works :/

A Welshman died at the weekend… Friends say he died the way he would have wanted; comfortably in his sheep

Why is ship tapered Why is shit tapered? So you’re asshole doesn’t slam shut. (I was watching my dog take a dump yesterday and this old joke came to mind)

What’s a Mexicans favorite candy? Jelly beaners.

Neurotic Girls… Wear Freudian Slips

Before company arrives we like to clean our house so there’s no evidence that we live like circus monkeys the other 364 days of the year!