I always go to the fattest kid at the concession stand to buy popcorn at the movies because he knows how to butter it properly.

What’s brown ans sticky??? a stick 🙂 haha (yes i know its super lame)

It’s amazing how patiently people will wait in line behind you when you’re buying tampons.

Hey girl are you a school? Because I want to shoot kids inside you.

What did the fish say when he hit the wall? Dam.

My favorite thing about hot weather is the way it makes the fat people disappear.

Do not squander your short time on earth acquiring worldly possessions. Instead, try to get laid a lot.

Starting a cover band called “A Book” so no one can judge us.

If I had a coin for every gender there is.. I’d have two coins.

What did the fish say when he hit the wall? Dam!