I made a movie about premature ejaculation. But it came out too soon.

Why can’t your wife make crispy bacon? Because she got used to your soft meat.

If I had 10 cookies and someone takes away 5, what would they have? A broken hand

Why did the integer drown? Because it can’t float.

Why can’t witches get pregnant? Because all their husbands have Halloween-ies!

I want to work for YouTube. It sounds so easy! All you have to do is remove a few lines of code everyday!

A fruit probably wouldn’t travel to Australia But a veggie might

Chuck Norris launch a bomb. It makes 263 deaths, and the bomb explode.

Why can’t you tell jokes to kleptomaniacs? Because they always take things, literally.

[Donald Trump’s election speech] “America, I have only 1 thing to say” *pulls off wig & mask revealing Ashton Kutcher* “YOU’VE BEEN PUNK’D”