What’s a seal’s favorite class? Art art art 🙂

My friend said I twist everything to my advantage. I took it as a compliment.

What does a Japanese guy name his pet lion? Ryan

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned … couldn’t concentrate.

What is a ghost favorite fruit ? Boonanaa !

What would you call Osama bin Laden if he became a pirate? Sandy Hook.

Did you hear about the Christmas Party in San Bernadino? It was wild. A Muslim couple showed up and put 14 presents six feet under the Christmas Tree.

I like to go to death metal shows and throw throat lozenges on the stage, it shows I care.

I keep myself in good enough shape to outrun most women and children during emergencies.

Million dollar idea – an app that connects you with other people eating beef jerky in their car.