Bought the ‘Sounds of the Rainforest’ cd, not as relaxing as I hoped. The 1st half was birds chirping, rest was chainsaws and bulldozers

Only at Mcdonalds do they say, “Sorry about your wait” and really mean “weight.”

I like my women like I like my cider… … cold and dry 😉

If Christian Bale has never cancelled a date and said “sorry to Bale on you” then I don’t think he is living life to the fullest.

What time does Sean Connery go to Wimbledon? Ten-ish

Why????? Which service would the with ask if she would check into a hotel??? THE BROOM SERVICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I like this new trend in hotels where to get some light on you have to walk around the room for 5 minutes turning 8 small lights on.

Too err is human… To Arr is pirate.

My friend wanted to give me a free puppy… I did not accept because their mother was a real bitch.

If video games taught me anything it’s that you don’t need to work because there’s precious gems just laying around everywhere.