What country is the most fragile? China!

If your girlfriend starts smoking… Slow down and use a lubricant.

What’s the difference between an insurance company and an asshole? If you shove money into an asshole at least you can expect to get shit back

Have you ever been on the Nile River? I heard it does on for miles and niles and niles… If you don’t believe me, you may be in denial.

I get anxious when there aren’t at least 24 pieces of advertising within my field of vision.

What did the gay guy say to the scared straight guys? “You guys are fucking pussies!”

How do the Chinese decide on their next porn star? They hold an erection…

What do Green Eggs and Ham, and Fifty Shades of Gray have in common? They both encourage people who can barely read to try new things.

I couldn’t believe it yesterday, when I came home and was told by my wife that my 5-year-old son wasn’t actually mine. She says that I need to pay more attention when picking him up from school…

I’m excited for the Supreme Court to finally let us know if gay people are human beings.