I wish my girlfriend was like my internet My internet goes down once a week for at least two hours

I would pay big bucks to Sea World to see a dolphin fly out of a water tank into the stands and start rolling around and eating people.

My go-to joke What’s blue and fucks grannies? Me in my lucky blue coat! (helps if you say it with a biiiig smile and a little dance)

what happens if you cross breed spiderman and Catwoman? I don’t know..can you guys tell me?

In case you were wondering, Taco Bell offers free wi-fi. Don’t bother asking for the password, because it’s totally “Cornhole Explosion”.

And we’re still calling it auto “correct” because….

How many people do you have to kick out of their houses to have a World Cup? Brazilians!

Why does it take 2 feminists to screw in a lightbulb? One to screw in the lightbulb and one to give me a blow job while I supervise.

So my friends and I were having a debate over Mortal Komabt We concluded Sub-Zero is definitely cooler than Scorpion

Rihanna says, “chains & whips excite me.” I doubt her ancestors felt the same way…