Did you hear about the guy who fell asleep during The Force Awakens? The theater was too Darth.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away If you have aim, an apple a week may also work.

Resistance training But me dragging my kids into school.

Joseph confronts Mary… Joseph: “Mary, I’ve heard you’ve been prostituting your body through the town!” Mary: “Don’t worry, Joseph. I was just trying to make a little prophet.”

Simba was walking too slow… So I told him to Mufasa.

It’s hard to explain puns to Kleptomaniacs Because they always take things literally.

When I can’t tell someone’s gender, I kick the closest toddler and see how they react.

NARRATOR: Here we see the gentle reindeer gamboling in the woods… DASHER: [pushing stack of Xmas cookies] Raise NARRATOR: I SAID GAMBOLING

I wasn’t kicking you. I was encouraging you to get the hell out of my way.

Never hit a man with eyeglasses Use your fist instead. >Enthusiastically told by my 6 year old brother, I thought it was worth sharing.