I think 50 cent stands a chance against Floyd Mayweather I don’t know about 12, But I know 50 cent can take 9 rounds

What did Maxwell Smart Say the first time…. What did Maxwell Smart Say the first time he butt fucked 99? Missed it by that much.

I want my next apartment to be located inside a Whole Foods.

Did you hear about the 80 year old man who ran naked through the flower show? …he won first place for a dried arrangement!

My grandad let me in on the secret to picking up hot Jewish girls during WWII.. with a brush and shovel..

What do you get when you cross a pig with a ninja? Pork Chop!

My teeth are so white I could use them to help land a plane and still no boyfriend. I’m beginning to think TV ads lie.

Why shouldn’t you play against Adolf Hitler in Madden? Because he always blitzes.

What did the one wall say to the other wall? “Meet you at the corner”

Me: My dog has gone missing Dog pound: What colour is it? Me: Brown Dog pound: Sex? Me [turns to wife]: Has the dog lost his virginity?