Boo “Knock Knock!” “Who’s there?” “Boo!” “Boo who?” “Geez, no need to cry, it’s just a joke.”

“Stomach…Lungs…Kidneys….Heart.” – Me, at my organ recital. (Not even slightly sorry)

What’s the difference between oral and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day. Anal sex makes your hole weak.

What did the dominatrix say after she spanked the wrong slave? Whoops, wrong sub

Pro tip: if you absolutely must speak in court, do not put air quotes around “the law”. Judges don’t like it.

Fucking cows… …wouldn’t recommend it.

Darth Vader told me he knows what i’m getting for Christmas He said he felt my presents…

At what stage of evolution did Robots become as advanced as humans? When opposable thumb drives were developed

You’re so beautiful I can’t describe it with words.. but numbers can. 3/10.

Why did the monster go into hospital? To have his ghoul-stones removed.