What lies on the bottom of the ocean and sweats? A nervous wreck…

My neighbor told me he childproofed his house. And the very next day his wife came home with a newborn. Worst. Childproofer. Ever.

My girlfriend broke up with me over my obsession with linkin park. But in the end it doesn’t even matter.

john was feeling happy happy felt disgusted and ran away

What do you call a Jewish feline? A yama-cat

What did the Palestinians do to honour Yasser Arafat when he died? They gave him a 21 stone salute!

What do a pizza guy and a gynecology have in common? They can both smell it but cant eat it.

Why did the monks go to the casino? Tibet.

they say 98% of fat people can be good looking if they lose weight, but 99% of them don’t…when I became that 1%, i realized i was that 2%

9 out of 10 men prefer women with big tits. The 10th guy prefers the other 9 guys.