What’s the hardest thing about finding a dead baby on the beach? Hiding the erection.

I can’t stop watching myself on this Walgreens surveillance monitor. Crazy how the camera adds 40 pounds and a limp!

What website are the germans least likely to laugh at? Neingag.

What did the watermelon say to the honeydew? “I’m sorry baby, we just cantaloupe.”

My dyslexic brother made ginger bread yesterday. Poor Tyrone..

What do you call an old man’s hard on? Petrified wood.

Funny unknown historical fact: Pharoahs were burried with their hands crossed their chest because it was a historical belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

How many Freuds does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to screw in the lightbulb and the other to hold the penis… I meant… The ladder.

Why did the cyclops quit teaching? He had only one pupil.

Sex is like Broccoli If you were forced to have it as a kid, you probably won’t like it as an adult.