I smoked e-cigs for so long that I got e-cancer. I’m ok though, I just swallowed a Norton Antivirus cd and it cleared things up.

A man was arrested for dumping Chinese food on his neighbor’s computer He was charged with wonton destruction of property

why are we mad at Beyonce for cultural appropriation when we could be mad that she made us listen to a Coldplay song?

I think Christmas is made for Mexicans only… …why else would you wish Merry Christmas to every Juan!? *badumtss*

If I were to remove my intestines and lay them out, they’d reach all the way to my ex-wife’s house. SEE, DEBORAH? I’M A MESS WITHOUT YOU!

Scientists have discovered a fantastic new shade of the colour green. Its sublime

Is a Welshman’s girlfriend… …his baae?

Why were Popeye’s forearms so big? Because Olive Oyl was saving herself for marriage.

Why do pedophiles love Old Navy sales? Cause all the kid’s clothes are 60% off.

Where do bees go on holiday ? Stingapore !