The human body is 70 percent water?? *looks at a glass of water* damn girl

Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and McDonald’s? A: A blonde serves more people in a night.

Did you here about the guy who turned to Scientologists to escape his past? Out with Xeold, in with Xenu! 😛

I like my women like I like my coffee… …black and strong!

Valve should be in charge of the UN… It’s the only sure-fire way to prevent World War 3.

Executive: What should we name the mutant with neato magnetic powers? Me: [clearly joking] How about Mag-Neato? Exec: damn that’s so good

What sound is emitted by a drowning mathematician? log log log log log log log log log…

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? A pickpocket snatches watches…

So I’m gay and single …. Does that make me homolone?

What does a girl do to her as asshole before having the most crazy sex of her life? She leaves him at home