My hand is stuck in a jar of salsa right now. I’m just gonna leave it in there. This is who I am now. I’m tired of fighting.

what did the tricep say to the muscular receptionist bye, ‘cep!

Why did the chicken kill itself? To get to the other side.

Every time I click “Remember Me” on a login page, I get a little sad thinking about my fleeting existence… …But some cookies would brighten my day! Disclaimer: Made this joke up just now.

What is Eren’s (AoT) favorite song? Moves Like Jaeger

Did you hear that Zsa Zsa Gabor was suing the doctor who amputated her leg? …The Judge threw out the case because she didn’t have a leg to stand on.

You lost me at “my psychic said..”

Why is CoD: Infinite Warfare set in space? because it couldn’t survive in the Battlefield.

Last semester I had an English teacher names Mrs. Gaye She was a huge homophone.

What has handles and flies? A witch in a garbage can.