Who’s the aardvark’s favorite female vocalist? Bearbara Streis-ant!

What did Han Solo say when Leia asked for help with a crossword clue? I don’t know

Why are lesbians superstitious? Because they are always knocking on wood.

Sorry waiter for pushing you over when you asked me to tip you

Whats black and isn’t working? Black lives matter.

The fact that your guy friends stop being funny after getting a girlfriend is proof enough that women are soul sucking banshees.

choose one to drop: 1. acid 2. bass 3. out of college 4. the assault charges 5. that thun thun thun

TERRIBLE INVENTION PITCH: decaf Red Bull

TIFU by eating my boss’ sandwich and getting fired. Oops. Wrong sub.

I went to a sperm bank to make a donation. This guy in the lobby came with me.