What do you get when toss a hand grenade into a French kitchen? Linoleum blownapart.

Facebook is a big party where the host is in a back room going through all the coats.

Everything I know about sex I learned from Tetris: rotate it and hope it fits in another slot

I’m an anti vaccine activist, and didn’t vaccinate my children. They’re all dead, but at least they don’t have autism!

I went to see a night of XXX short films! Imagine my disappointment when it was just 30 Roman movies.

Hilary Clinton, Bill O’Reilly and Brian Williams walk into a bar Well not necessarily a bar per se and they didn’t actually walk in and they weren’t together…Ok I made it all up

“that escalated quickly” -idiot in an elevator

i’ll have a burg please [waiter looks confused] a burg. a meat frisbee. a seared bovine disc. a hamburger sandwich. a bunned beefling my man

I’m writing some BSDM-themed LEGO fan-fiction. I hope to release it later as “50 blocks of pain”

In Catholicism, souls have mass.