*drops mic* *drops mic* *drops mic* *drops mic* *drops mic* *drops mic* *drops mic* *drops mic* Octopus after owning some1 in a rap battle

Baby, are you a silent movie? Because when you talk I don’t hear shit.

Dirty limerick… There was a girl from Peru Grammar to her was new She asked after the deed With her mouth full of seed Did I just blow or blew?

{at fancy restaurant} Waiter: *pulls out chair* Me: “Don’t make this weird, dude.”

What’s the worst thing about being a black jew? . . You gotta sit in the back of the oven

Whats the difference between a pick-pocket and a peeping tom? A pick pocket snatches watches.

SCARY STORY! Once upon a time there was a little boy. He saw something strange, and, thinking about what he saw, he folded his arms… INTO PAPER AIRPLANES!

Dogs are tough. I’ve been interrogating this one for hours and he still won’t tell me who a good boy is.

Barista asks a customer if they would like their coffee black Customer replies “what other colors do you have?”

If you are cold just stand in a corner They are usually around 90 degrees