It’s actually pretty convenient the Alan Rickman died so soon after David Bowie. You can just move your lightning bolt up a few inches for the funeral and fit right in.

What are the three rules of being a plumber? Hot on left; cold on right. Shit runs downhill. Never, ever, put your tools in your mouth.

TIL TIL means TIL

I try to refrain from farting while I masturbate. For I am a gentleman.

How did the clerk greet the prostitute? “What can I do you for?”

I finally figured out what I wanna be when I get older………………………Younger!

How does someone become a sex expert? They learn the ins and outs

What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One’s a crusty bus station the others a busty crustacean

Don’t let herpes become yourpes.

Have you ever seen the house Ray Charles lived in? Neither did he.