I think I pulled a muscle avoiding my neighbor in the grocery store.

What does it’s job ONLY after it has been fired? A bullet

So, hows your DNS lookup up? Yet again, I am very sorry.

What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

What came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither, it was the selfish Rooster that came first and the Hen never even finished.

What do you call Wolverine post-op? An x-man.

How does a feminist change a light-bulb? Just kidding, feminists don’t change shit.

When I was in high school my girlfriend’s dad got angry that I took her virginity. I said “Sorry, it won’t happen again.”

I was just about to go and remind my neighbour to slam all of his car doors as many times as possible in five minutes, but there’s no need.

Apparently you can’t get a sick leave just because you’re sick of seeing everyone at the office.