The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.

A necktie and a hat are sitting on a coat rack…. The hat says, “you can hang around if you want, but I’m gonna go on a head. “

Did you hear about the 2 guys that stole a calendar? They both got 6 months.

Why did they call the masseuse sexist? He was massage-anistic..

What two planets should we keep clean? Earth and Uranus.

I tried “Netflix and chill?” on my wife. We’re now on season 3 of Gilmore Girls.

Does it count as necrophilia if she’s just dead inside?

Wonder how many novels Stephen King wrote this morning.

Q: What did the leprotic john say to the hooker? A: Keep the tip.

My girlfriend acts like a 14 year old in bed Even though she is 12