I told my parents to put their Euros in my UK bank account, just in case. It didn’t work.

Girl: “My first time having sex was a lot like the 100 metre dash…” Boy: “What, over in ten seconds?” Girl: “No, eight black men and a gun.”

The four states of matter: Solid Liquid Gas Black

What’s the last thing you want to hear from a surgeon dissecting someone? Oops

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It’s a really obscure number, you’ve probably never heard of it

What was Helen Keller’s favorite color? Velcro.

How do you tell when a woman is having an orgasm? Who cares?

Hey y’all, I finally got a smart phone. I’m a big girl now! Anyone got a 5 year old I can borrow to teach me how to use the damn thing?

My friend’s 6-year-old was being obnoxious. The mature thing to do was to tell him to settle down. I challenged him to a rap battle.

How did the swordsman annoy r/jokes? He feinted. (Sorry)