Him: “What kinda chameleon do you have?” Me: Karma “Karma?” Karma “Karma..” Karma chameleon “How long you had him?” He comes & goes..

Movie Trivia: Cloverfield was just Khloe Kardashian on a shopping trip in New York

I’m currently trying to remove all Cancers. Then I’ll move on to Virgos.

“I’ll put this somewhere I won’t lose it.” (I’ll hide it somewhere I’ll never see it again.)

What do you call an empty jar of Cheez Whiz? Cheez Waz.

Fiber Monday is a great idea… but is once a year often enough ? Oh….it’s Cyber Monday ? Never mind.

What goes clop clop, clop clop, Bang! Bang! Clop clop… An Amish drive-by shooting.

I never get my idioms mixed up and you can take that to the bank and smoke it

I wrote a song about tortillas. Actually, it’s more of a rap.

Two people are in a fight. Guy 1: “Well, your sister blew me, and it only cost two dollars!” Guy 2: “So she’s only charging a dollar an inch these days?”