Biochemistry joke- I once went carbon dating… I was arrested because carbon was only 14

The problem in general terms is that people suck.

Q: Why did the elephants go on a diet? A: Because they had too much junk in the trunk.

My kid’s teacher told me my kid is obsessed with video games and that I need to work with her on it. I’m like I do. I’m player 2.

I was homeschooled so my back to school pics were of me standing in front of the house before I went back inside.

Instead of a tweet up, I think all the twitter crushes should get together for a weekend in the mountains You know… A Couples Retweet

Police in Mississippi shoot a man 🙁 He had accidentally set himself ablaze, and police opened fire because he was waving fire arms in the air 🙂

If you say “cray cray” I’m going to punch you in the “fay fay”,

Wanna know why I prefer sponge cakes to Jesus? Because sponge cake doesn’t take 3 days to rise.

Printer tired while printing her picture Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it’s still printing.